...*disclaimer* if you do not wish to read about boobs or breastfeeding, stop reading now!* :) Also, this is a little long (sorry). A little of my experience...
Well, today is day 3 of no breastfeeding. This has been a bittersweet time for me. My journey with breastfeeding has overall been amazing and I wouldn't change it for the world! Although amazing, I can't say there have not been overwhelming periods and times of great frustration and stress.
I was so very blessed with a baby (and an amazing doula in the delivery room) who latched on immediately and never looked back. Sadie loved to breastfeed, so much that she used it not only for food but as a pacifier. I loved that I could be that comfort for her, well most days that is :) As sweet as it could be, it could also be very tiring and exhausting. Sadie didn't sleep through the night until she was 7 months old, and I was the one and only thing that could comfort her in the middle of the night. So, as a full time working mom, this was a very difficult task for me sometimes.
I heard so many stories from people, before having Sadie, about how your milk will leak out and you will hurt so bad when it's time to feed. Well, none of that happened to me! I had some pain occasionally, but nothing bad, and I never leaked....not once! Sadie was always able to get enough milk while breastfeeding, although in the beginning I feared she wasn't. While breastfeeding was fine, pumping was another story. I would typically only get 3-4 oz. at most from both sides combined, which meant multiple pumpings for one bottle. I had to pump 3 times a day at work and that typically wasn't enough. I hated pumping!!! Sadie never took to bottles well either. It was a constant worry and stress for me, if I was going to have enough or even if the babysitter was going to be able to get Sadie to drink enough! This on top of my post-partum depression, severe separation anxiety from being away from Sadie, and my unfortunate jealousy of my babysitter....this was a tough time for me. All that said, I was still determined to give my baby breast milk!
For the last couple of months, Sadie has been giving me signs that it was time to quit. (I also may have to go back to work soon :( and I knew I wanted her to be done if I did go back.) She is so active and mobile, nursing was becoming painful at times. She would flip flop all over the place, and take my nipple with her :) Fun fun! haha But then there were the times that were still so sweet, like when she was tired and wanted comfort. I could not nurse at all in any time of public setting. She hated to be covered, and I would be very exposed at all times...so that banned us to the house for feeding time. Which that has always been somewhat of an issue since day one. When she was smaller, it was much easier to hide it in public though. I am an overly modest person though, so it's not something I did often.
Nursing has been one of the most amazing and natural things I have done, and also at times one of the most stressful and hardest things I have ever done. It took a lot of determination and sacrifice at times, but I do not regret one day of it! Through pumping, cracked nipples, sore breasts, clogged ducts, and even teething :) I know that it is one of the best things I could have ever done for my child, and I am so glad I had the opportunity to do it and that I stuck with it for a year.
A few weeks ago, I started giving Sadie a taste of whole milk and she hated it at first. With every meal I would continue to offer it her (while still nursing her full time), and she slowly started to drink more and more. After she started drinking a few ounces, I cut out the lunch time feeding. After a week or so of that, we got down to two feedings a day as opposed to four. The morning time has been the hardest to eliminate, but after realizing that she started to bring me the boppy pillow (knowing what we used it for) and whining....I decided to hide it and see what happened. Well today is day 3, and she hasn't really asked for it. Part of me is sad, but I am also proud of us both :) I look forward to watching her grow and more milestones ahead.
This is just a very small part of my journey/experience with breastfeeding. I wanted to post this to help me remember what it was like.
I CANNOT believe my sweet baby girl will be 1 year old tomorrow! Thank you Lord for her and the precious gift she has been to Jonathan and I. There is nothing more amazing than being a mother! I love you SADIE!
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